5 Top Rap Songs No Woman Should Like…But We Do…

scroll-video-2We’ve all been there. You hear a hot song on the radio, blast it, sing it and then one day, you realize the lyrics are completely disrespectful or reckless. You still want to like the song, but you don’t want to be seen as not down for the cause. I can’t tell you what to do get your self-respect back, but I hope you find comfort in knowing that you are NOT alone!

Hope you dug the video. If you haven’t watched it yet, check it out above. And as promised, below is my EXTENDED LIST of rap songs that I probably really shouldn’t like.

6. Tupac “I Get Around” – I reeaaallly like this song! I knew all the lyrics within a day of first hearing it and whenever I hear it on the radio or when I am out somewhere, I still rap it as proudly as I did then. Since I was a kid when it first came out, I didn’t pay the lyrics much attention, but after I grew up and experienced a few heartbreaks, I realized the lyrics are actually a warning about what dudes can and often do. The song is actually really fucking insensitive, but I am spitting the lyrics as I type this post. Oh, the hypocrisy!

7. N.W.A. “She Swallowed It” – It’s the world’s biggest dick, don’t matter just don’t bite it! Alex can I get “Pure Misogyny for $500”? I was in the 6th grade when I first heard this song. One of my classmates snuck a radio in recess and played it for the rest of us. I had never heard music that explicit before (I was a sheltered child) and to hear a woman actually performing fellatio on a song (you can’t tell me it wasn’t real!) really intrigued me. And after hearing “Aunt Esther” talking about the size of dicks, I never watched “Sanford and Son” the same.

8. T.I./Young Thug “If it Ain’t About the Money” – I think I can give T.I. a run for his money on rapping this song. Most of 88 million plays on Youtube probably came from me, that’s how much I dig it. I am not a huge Young Thug fan, but he is a beast on this hook. Since I am still green in trap music, I had to look up the lyrics to see what the hell Young Thug was talking about and was quite shocked at how much of a story he was telling with few words. I wonder how those other cats figured that damn song out.

9. Nicki Minaj “Lookin’ Ass Nigga” – I don’t even think I hate that I like this song. I just like it. I like how it comes on, what she is saying, how she is saying it and even the controversy that it caused. The only thing I really understood some people having a problem with was her choice of putting Malcolm X on the cover of the record. I always thought it would have been more powerful had she imitated the photo of Malcolm X looking out the window with a gun. Nicki, I hope you can consider that or else I am going to take the idea 😉

10. Nicki Minaj, Drake, Lil Wayne “Truffle Butter” – Just look up what truffle butter really is, it would probably be tough to listen to this song without blushing or becoming absolutely grossed out.

11. Lil Wayne “Gonorrhea” – I first heard this song on Pandora while at the gym and got completely lost in it. Does it need any further explanation?  I like how Lil Wayne used the word in this song to remind folks how toxic people are really a lot like STD’s – contagious if you aren’t careful.

12. Jay Z “Big Pimpin” – I mean, he pretty much tells you what his intentions are in the song. He will fuck, then leave. I guess it took a Bad B, like Bey to tame that beast inside.

13. Project Pat “Gorilla Pimp” – Folks who are not from the south may not know this one, but it was a big regional hit back in the day. The bluesy hook makes the song and if you aren’t careful, you will find yourself in the same situation I did, rapping some lyrics talking about getting beat up at the job for talking shit to a “pimp.” So now when that part comes on, I just skip over it…most of the time.

14. Three Six Mafia “Late Night Tip” – Another old-school southern favorite. The Academy Award Winners sampled Lisa Fischer’s soulful, “How Can I Ease the Pain” and you find can yourself quickly drawn to the staccato chant, “I’m not the type to get involved in long relationships; taking trips and buying gifts, I’m sorry I’m not on that tip.” It’s a pretty low down song if you really listen it. However, once again, at least they are upfront about their intentions.

15. Future, Pharrell Williams, Pusha T “Move That Dope” – This track is just fucking bumpin. Pharrell has been at the top of his production game for the past few years, even with the setbacks. And he really shows his versatility of being able to go from universal feel-good “Happy” to hood nod, “Move That Dope.” It’s still a quite disturbing song lyrically, but maybe I can make “dope”  mean something else metaphorically. Hey singers lie about the meaning of their songs all the time.

What rap songs do you hate that you like? Leave a comment in the comment section below!

“White” Feminism and Pizza…What Do They Have in Common?

What do feminism and pizza have in common? Actually, a lot according to Akilah Hughes who runs the Youtube Channel “SmoothieFreak.” With Patricia Arquette’s backstage Oscar comments still fresh in a lot of people’s minds, Akilah published a video that showed the difference in “white” feminism and “black” feminism using pizza. Aside from making me actually wanting a slice, it was very thought-provoking.

It actually reminded me of a debate I had with a “white” feminist. She and I did not see eye-to-eye on an issue at hand, well actually we did, she just didn’t like that I didn’t see things entirely her way. As a result, she took a shot at my color and my intelligence. That was her way of showing me why I was wrong. The way I thought about this particular issue was similar to someone telling me that I was stupid because I was black.

But it wasn’t. The simile didn’t even apply to the debate at hand. It was just a hold card. I had experienced this before when I debated with a “white” feminist. Each time we reached an issue that we did see eye-to-eye, they brought up race because surely if I know what it feels like to be oppressed based on my skin color then I should fight every fight they believed worthy.

After watching Akilah’s video, I actually felt relieved to know that this was not in my imagination. That this elusive hold card that was often held over me when I didn’t allow any one else to pull my strings, was not my burden alone to carry. Akilah explains this beautifully in her video, “On Intersectionality in Feminism and Pizza.” Check it out.

Kendrick Lamar’s Fiance’ is Light-Skinned. SO WHAT?!

scroll-video-2It was the Facebook post seen around the world. Activist Rashida Strober publicly slammed Kendrick Lamar for dating and getting engaged to a light-skinned woman, Whitney Alford, and this set off a firestorm of controversy. Most of the controversy has not been in Ms. Strober’s favor, it got so bad that she has received death threats. The controversy has also opened old wounds for many “light-skinned” women who struggled just as much as their dark-skinned sisters for a place of acceptance. Be sure to also check out part II of this post, “Light Skin vs. Dark Skin? What About Me? (A “Peanut Butter” Chick’s Story).

Hit play below to watch the video.


Light Skin vs. Dark Skin? What About Me? (A “Peanut Butter” Chick’s Story)

(Part II of “Kendrick Lamar’s Fiance is Light-Skinned. SO WHAT?!!)

“Teach me how to flirt.”  I awkwardly asked my best friend.  That had to be it.  That had to be what it was, why I felt like the twin sister of the “Invisible Man” when she and I went out together.  “Um, okay.  You just make eye contact,” she responded as she continued applying her make up.

“What if I do that and they don’t look back or worse, look away?”  I asked anxiously.  My BFF stopped and thought for a moment and then said, “I’ve never had that happen.”  Well, shit!

And that was my introduction into the socially awkward world of clubbing and dating.  I didn’t start really clubbing until after I graduated high school.  I was a geek in every way and although I wilded out in the privacy of my home, I just couldn’t bring myself to show that part of me in school.  Too many eyes.  Too many expectations.  I was senior class president, vice-president of the drama club, three time state champion in the Speech and Drama competitions. Voted Most Talented, Most Likely To Succeed and Most School Spirit.  If there was a club, I was in it.  If there was a cause, I was for it.

I eventually did find love my senior year.  He was my first real boyfriend, my first real everything, so many of my worries about male attention were eased for a year and a half.  Then we broke up.  One of the worst times of my life and that’s when my best friend and I immersed ourselves in the club scene.

Did I mention I was a geek?  I didn’t know many of the social rules.  I thought if I went to the club, looked pretty, danced, had a good time, then some guy would naturally be drawn to my energy.  And I really did have a good time.  I love to dance.  Even to this day, when I go dancing, it takes me to another place, it is truly my escape.  That’s the one place I don’t care who sees me or what they think, it is my get away.

But no matter how many times we went out (and we went out often), the guys always flocked to her, not me.  I became extremely self-conscious.  And although I still loved going out with her, I had to prepare a script to tell myself why this guy who I thought was fine, chose her instead.  Don’t get me wrong, my best friend is beautiful and deserves all the attention she received, but damn, so was I, so what was I doing wrong?

That questioned was answered for me one night I went out with another good friend of mine.  He was interested in getting into exotic dancing (no joke and has become quite successful since that time). We decided to go clubbing so he could practice some of his dance moves.  He had already demonstrated some of the moves at my house unknowingly witnessed by my then six year old nephew who immediately changed into his underwear, cowboy boots and proceeded to grind on the  dining room wall.  Yeah, that happened. But I digress.

That night changed my entire perception about my guy magnet dilemma.  The club we went to had separate rooms with different types of music, so I found myself in one room and my friend found himself drawn to another.  Like always, when the music started, I completely got lost in it.  However, this time, something odd happened, at least for me.  Guys were flocking to me?  In droves.  I hadn’t drastically changed anything about my appearance and could not figure out what was going on.

Then it happened.  Two beautiful, very fair-skinned women walked into the club and the attention shifted.  I was in disbelief. It started analyzing.  Surely the reason I hadn’t gotten action at the club couldn’t be because my best friend was lighter than me, surely that couldn’t be it.  I flashed back to a conversation we once had where she revealed what she believed her strongest asset was when it came to attracting guys – her skin color.  However, she didn’t say that proudly, more so with a hint of sadness in her voice and I didn’t understand why I picked up on that then.  Looking back, I think what was behind that was, “There is so much more to me.”

After I came to accept that at the Memphis,TN clubs, light skin rules, I stopped trying so hard when we went out.  Of course, it still would sting when a guy would approach her, she not be interested and he then finally “notice” me afterwards.  I developed a firm diss rule when that would happen.  I’m not a fallback bitch.

That was in my early twenties and was a very confusing time.  My first love and I had broken up, but were still going back and forth with one another.  I was in college, working as a part-time teller while performing in plays.  And more than anything, I was trying to find myself.  In some ways, those who fall into the strict definitions of “light skin” and “dark skin” have it easier.  Most men have a specific preference, so there is not a lot of back-and-forth about it. However, the peanut butters, like myself, get confused as to where we fit into the debate.  I am not a red-bone (although I’ve been called that but was quickly corrected by a “true red-bone”) and I am not the deep cocoa brown color that is often associated with the motherland.

I have heard the worst said about both sides.  I have participated in the bashing when I felt slighted, insecure and those are definitely thoughtless moments of my life in which I am not proud.

And looking back, perhaps some of reasons I didn’t have much luck was really due to my flirting. I sucked at it.  Perhaps I felt so intimidated by my BFF’s confidence when it came to pulling guys that my confidence completely dwarfed in her presence.  I know many women of all shades who have no problem pulling guys because they know they have it going on.

Through a lot of self-discovery, I released the invitation to be seen and evaluated by such shallow measures.

Yet, when I hear songs with silly ass phrases like, “I want a red-bone girl” as if that is the utopia of existence or receive a flyer from a club promoter captioned “Light Skin vs. Dark Skin” or when some pro-black guy tells me I am too light and act “too white”, I am reminded that colorism is a real and unfortuante phoenmen .  Some folks call it color struck. And many proudly proclaim their preference as if it is a score board around somewhere. And everybody has the right to their preference about melanin, nothing wrong that.  Then again, maybe everything is wrong with that.


Seriously, Why is Wearing the Same Outfit Twice (or Thrice) in a Row a Bad Thing?

Yesterday I found myself pulled in a heated debate about clothes. I chose to wear the same outfit that I wore on Saturday for Sunday because, well, I liked it and giving my incredibly busy schedule, it was the one thing I did not have to think about. The outfit was clean and appropriate for the occasion, yet I was told that it was not cool to wear the same clothes consecutively.

This person and I found middle ground on the issue, probably with both of us still in our shit about it but it really got me to thinking – what is so wrong with wearing the same outfit two or three days in a row if it is clean and you don’t see the same people?

When I asked this question, the only answer I got was,”It is not cool,” later followed up with because I was too beautiful to do so. Both answers seemed very ambiguous and I honestly think it had more to do with fear of how I would be perceived by others.

American culture is one of the most superficial. Celebrities make headlines if they wear the same outfit twice, an analytical article is written about the state of their mental health if it is more times than that.

The rules I grew up with was as long as the same people didn’t see the outfit and it was clean, it was okay to wear it a consecutive day. However, why is that rule? What does it mean if a person chooses to wear the same outfit every single day as long as it is clean?

I know, some of y’all are probably giving me major side-eye, but hear me out. Of course, there are some, a lot of women who love clothes and fashion. It is basically a religion, so wearing the same outfit more than once could probably be considered blasphemy. However, what about the rest of us? Folks like me who are putting 60+ hours a week and barely have time to sleep. Is it so bad if I choose to wear the same outfit more than once in a short period of time?

What does it mean? I’ll tell you what it means…nothing. Absolutely nothing. Only that, that is what I wanted to do. If any assumptions, beliefs or judgements are formed about me because of this very common practice, that says more about the person doing the judging than it does about me.

However, in the moment, it doesn’t feel that way. Y’all know it goes. We can give these speeches all day about why other people’s opinions don’t matter…except, they do. At least initially, otherwise, there wouldn’t be a speech necessary to give. And I think that’s how I felt in that moment when I was “scolded” for choosing to wear the same outfit a second (and possibly a third) time in a row. I felt the need to give the “Your opinion does not matter,” speech.

Later, this person did apologize. I’m sure how they see the world and their customs are just as fundamental as my commitment to challenge them. It is not easy choosing to be a free agent in this life. It seems that people are often pulling at me to define myself by their standards. I am not innocent of this.

As my grandmother once said, “I am consistently inconsistent.” We are all paradoxical at heart and more than that, we are human. We have all customs, attitudes and beliefs drilled into us from the very moment we take our first breath.

So even though I was extremely triggered yesterday by this very trivial, yet very much needed incident, it actually provided an opportunity for me to look at certain beliefs and customs I have and ask myself, “Is this belief or value truly serving me? Or do I just practice it because I was told I was supposed to and fear the social stigmatization if I don’t?”

So what are your thoughts on this? Do you think it is “low class” to wear the same outfit two or three days in a row?

Are “Black” Women the LEAST Desired in Online Dating? OKCupid Thinks So…

Every year it seems that some set of statistics come out with the unconscious intention of crushing “black” women’s confidence. The stats from Online Dating Site “OK Cupid” seems to be the ring leader this time around.
Okay, so I know that OKCupid is not responsible for their customer’s personal preferences, but I have a serious problem with the skewed, absolute way the information is presented.

On the wrong day, a woman can read those stats and interpret them in a very unhealthy way, I know, I was once one of those women. So after a lot of soul searching, I got busy and did some research of my own.
What I found was very interesting and proved that stats, like most other things in life, should be taken with a grain of salt.

Hit play below to watch as I break down what these numbers REALLY mean!