Being Vulnerable is NOT a Sign of Weakness…

There is this strange belief that if a person expresses a fear or an insecurity, that means that person is weak. I cannot tell you how many times I have been in a situation where ideas ore being exchanged, the atmosphere becomes relaxed, I express a fear of mine and it suddenly turns into a therapy session…one I didn’t sign up for.

I was just recently in a situation where someone did this. And honestly, I couldn’t blame anyone but myself, because this person has shown time and time again that when I express a vulnerability, it is their cue to tell who I am and what I don’t know.

I felt angry and targeted, so I set a boundary and quickly ended the exchange. After I talked to a very close friend of mine about the incident, I really began to wonder where this line of thinking comes from and realized that those who believe this the strongest seem to be the most messed up and tend to offer the most unsolicited advice.

So for those who may have felt shamed and attacked by someone who sees admitting vulnerability as an opportunity to critically judge and analyze you, here are a few benefits of staying vulnerable and open:

Read more Being Vulnerable is NOT a Sign of Weakness…

Seriously, Why is Wearing the Same Outfit Twice (or Thrice) in a Row a Bad Thing?

Yesterday I found myself pulled in a heated debate about clothes. I chose to wear the same outfit that I wore on Saturday for Sunday because, well, I liked it and giving my incredibly busy schedule, it was the one thing I did not have to think about. The outfit was clean and appropriate for the occasion, yet I was told that it was not cool to wear the same clothes consecutively.

This person and I found middle ground on the issue, probably with both of us still in our shit about it but it really got me to thinking – what is so wrong with wearing the same outfit two or three days in a row if it is clean and you don’t see the same people?

When I asked this question, the only answer I got was,”It is not cool,” later followed up with because I was too beautiful to do so. Both answers seemed very ambiguous and I honestly think it had more to do with fear of how I would be perceived by others.

American culture is one of the most superficial. Celebrities make headlines if they wear the same outfit twice, an analytical article is written about the state of their mental health if it is more times than that.

The rules I grew up with was as long as the same people didn’t see the outfit and it was clean, it was okay to wear it a consecutive day. However, why is that rule? What does it mean if a person chooses to wear the same outfit every single day as long as it is clean?

I know, some of y’all are probably giving me major side-eye, but hear me out. Of course, there are some, a lot of women who love clothes and fashion. It is basically a religion, so wearing the same outfit more than once could probably be considered blasphemy. However, what about the rest of us? Folks like me who are putting 60+ hours a week and barely have time to sleep. Is it so bad if I choose to wear the same outfit more than once in a short period of time?

What does it mean? I’ll tell you what it means…nothing. Absolutely nothing. Only that, that is what I wanted to do. If any assumptions, beliefs or judgements are formed about me because of this very common practice, that says more about the person doing the judging than it does about me.

However, in the moment, it doesn’t feel that way. Y’all know it goes. We can give these speeches all day about why other people’s opinions don’t matter…except, they do. At least initially, otherwise, there wouldn’t be a speech necessary to give. And I think that’s how I felt in that moment when I was “scolded” for choosing to wear the same outfit a second (and possibly a third) time in a row. I felt the need to give the “Your opinion does not matter,” speech.

Later, this person did apologize. I’m sure how they see the world and their customs are just as fundamental as my commitment to challenge them. It is not easy choosing to be a free agent in this life. It seems that people are often pulling at me to define myself by their standards. I am not innocent of this.

As my grandmother once said, “I am consistently inconsistent.” We are all paradoxical at heart and more than that, we are human. We have all customs, attitudes and beliefs drilled into us from the very moment we take our first breath.

So even though I was extremely triggered yesterday by this very trivial, yet very much needed incident, it actually provided an opportunity for me to look at certain beliefs and customs I have and ask myself, “Is this belief or value truly serving me? Or do I just practice it because I was told I was supposed to and fear the social stigmatization if I don’t?”

So what are your thoughts on this? Do you think it is “low class” to wear the same outfit two or three days in a row?

Are “Black” Women the LEAST Desired in Online Dating? OKCupid Thinks So…

Every year it seems that some set of statistics come out with the unconscious intention of crushing “black” women’s confidence. The stats from Online Dating Site “OK Cupid” seems to be the ring leader this time around.
Okay, so I know that OKCupid is not responsible for their customer’s personal preferences, but I have a serious problem with the skewed, absolute way the information is presented.

On the wrong day, a woman can read those stats and interpret them in a very unhealthy way, I know, I was once one of those women. So after a lot of soul searching, I got busy and did some research of my own.
What I found was very interesting and proved that stats, like most other things in life, should be taken with a grain of salt.

Hit play below to watch as I break down what these numbers REALLY mean!

Women, Stop Letting Your Boyfriend Beat Your Children!

Hit play below to watch this episode of “One Chick Army”!

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What do Dominique Smith, Jillian Tate, and Chante’ Hays have in common? They were all young women who fell in love, trusted in love and sold-out for love. The sacrifice? Their children. Each woman moved a man into her home.  He was quickly promoted to “Daddy” but the dream didn’t last long.  

The bruises started to appear. The burns.  She noticed the marks, but chose to ignore them because if she confronted him, she feared being abandoned and alone.  Soon after, she rationalized the abuse, lied to herself until she could no longer lie anymore – because her child is now dead; beat to death by the man whom she thought she could trust, whose love she so desperately craved.

Perhaps she feared for her own life. There are more questions than answers, but what is evident is that this is a gross epidemic. If you google “boyfriend kills baby”, you will find an overwhelming amount of cases. Why is this so common and who is really to blame? Is it the mother? That’s an easy target, but I am a firm believer that if something happens repeatedly, then there is something we are missing.

Is it generational trauma? Learned self-hatred? The fact that women grossly outnumber men so many women feel that they don’t have many options. Is it these men and women are only taught one form of love? Toxic.

Whatever the reasons are, children being abused and dying at the hands of mentally disturbed, jealous boyfriends has happened too many times (one time is actually one time too many), so I decided to vlog about it. Share it with someone you think could use it.


Are Women Too Possessive (Stalkerish) in Relationships?

You know how the story usually goes. Girl meets boy. Girl likes boy. Boy likes girl. After the first date, girl starts planning her wedding. If there is a second, third, fourth, etc. date, Girl often puts a collar on boy. Are women too possessive in relationships? Do we have often show up more like a stalker vs. a lover? Controlling women and men seems to be a form of love? Questions! Questions!

How does this happen? How do so many women end up behaving their partner’s owner instead of an equal mate? And, why is it often so hard to let when it is over? Hit play below and let me know your thoughts!

Ladies, sometimes you’ve got a be a BITCH!

Homewreckers. Frenemies.  You know, the women who try to make a play your boyfriend/husband all while pretending they are your bestie. If watched shows like  “Love and Hip Hop” “Cheaters” or “The Real Housewives…”, then you know what I’m talking about.

Many women often are told to take the high road in these situations.  And most times, that is probably best.  However, sometimes it doesn’t pay to play “nice” and be lady.  Sometimes, when dealing with women like this, you have to become an unapologetic bitch!

Hit play below to watch the video and if you dig it, subscribe and share it!